New cook-out rules

Boy, this blogging thing is hard, and I missed a day already...anyway, our subject for today is proper cookout etiquette.

The Fourth of July is around the corner, and I have suggestions that might prevent arguments, feuds and all out foolishness at the bbq.

First, let me step to the "Playa" members of the family, man or woman. You know the ones I mean, either they have never married, or this is their fourth divorce.  Yeah, the one that you have never seen with the same person twice.

Don't get me wrong, their guests are perfectly fine, they just disappear in a puff of smoke.   Herein lies the issue, they always want to get smack dab in the center of the group shots.  You know what that means....when they break up, and they will, great family moment trashed cause nobody remembers who the stranger at the feast was.

Came up with a solution for this dilema, make Aunt/Uncle Playa and the date de jour stand together on the end, with the date on the outside.  Then its easier to crop em out when they disappear from your family's life.

I know some of you think I am being petty, but trust me, it's best if the evidence of Cousin Playa is not plastered all over your family walls for eternity.  Just this simple switch will save somebody grief in the future, you will thank me later.

Second let's deal with the guests that seem to feel that it's acceptable to prepare carry-out meals for all the family members that couldn't make it.  In one word, don't!!!  Food is high Folks, not saying you can't ask for a plate to take home, but let the host/hostess fix it for you.  Now is not the time to take enough leftovers home for lunch at work every day next week, that is just being greedy.  And don't sit around with the aluminum covered plate in your lap, take it to the car.

Third, stop offering the cook advice, cause it's their house, you're a guest and nobody cares what you think anyway.  If you have not contributed to the food, drink or tableware, go somewhere and have a seat.

Fourth, hip/rap/polka, etc. are not everybody's musical choice, leave the sound system alone unless somebody asks you to assist.

Fifth, do not log onto their internet and start surfing porn sites, there are children running around that do not need to see that, come on.

Sixth, offer to help with the clean up.  NO, you do not have to stay until the end, jut help police your area, bend down and pick up a cup for goodness sake.

And lastly, take your azz home at a reasonable hour, this is a cookout not a sleep over.

Hope this little check list helps cut down on the drama.  Have a Happy Fourth of July !!